This is a transcript from the book "Countryside Mood" published in 1943, recounting the memories of one of the last of the old Mummers of Wheeler End in Buckinghamshire..........

IT was Christmas week; and the "Chequers," Wheeler's End was full. The conversation turned to the subject of the season's festivities, and to the jolly times the people used to have on the commons. One or two of the oldest lamented that the old traditional spirit had died out, and that the celebrations of recent years were not comparable to those of forty or fifty years previous. Among the company was Abel Collins, the last surviving member of the Wheeler End Mummers.

He said that in his time the young men, on the approach of Christmas, were full of joyous anticipation at the prospect of visiting the neighbouring farms and villages to give the play which had been handed down in the hamlet from time immemorial. He then went on further to state that when the dark days of November had arrived, the band of Mummers used to commence their practice in the kiln on Cadmore End Common. On certain nights of the week they met, when with the outhouse dimly lighted by a tallow candle or two, each performer went through his part until he could do it well. There was always one more present than the number required, to fill any vacancy that might arise. At Christmas they visited, and wherever they performed they received a welcome.

When the conversation had proceeded further, the Mummer was asked whether he could remember the words, and he replied that he thought he was able to do so, although so many years had elapsed since he had taken part in its performance. Standing in the centre of the tap-room he went through the whole play without the slightest hesitation, accompanying each character with suitable actions.

(The Wheeler End version, here appended, was played by nine persons, the characters being as follows :

1. Roomer, director of the ceremony.
2. King George, representing St. George, the Patron Saint of England.
3. Bull Slasher, The Turkish Knight, King George's opponent.
4. Doctor.
5. Jack Finney.
6. Beelzebub.
7. Miss Fly.
8. Father Christmas.
9. Big Head.

The usual routine was for the company to stand outside the door of the cottage or inn, and when all was ready, Roomer entered with a broom and proceeded to clear a convenient space for the acting. He then called in the actors, one by one, who then performed their parts in proper sequence. The costumes worn were of a very grotesque description, one at least being an old discarded tunic of the Bucks Militia, to which many of the young fellows of Wheeler End used to belong.

The reader will understand that Mr. Collins impersonated each player in turn. Every time he bade one to enter he turned to the tap-room door, after a pause he turned to the company and performed the part. The whole play is here given as it was performed with interpolations.

The Ditchling Mummers, from Ditchling in E. Sussex, portraying several of the characters which also appear in the Wheeler End Play - The Doctor (with his black bag), Father Christmas, King George (with his red cross), Bull Slasher, wearing his helmet, and Roomer, with his staff to clear the way. The dragon (SAINT George's Dragon) also seems to have crept into this play.......

Bursting into the room with a broom in his hand, he proceeds to clear the centre of the floor from all imaginary obstructions, and at the same time in a commanding voice, impersonating Roomer, shouts

"A room! A room fur me and mi broom And all mi jovial men behind .
I must have room and I WULL have room, All round, this Christmas time."
Calls : " Come in, King George."
(Enter King George.)

KING GEORGE:
"In comes King George- - that noble man,
The fust that e'er took su-urd in hand.
Show me the man that bids me stand,
I'll cut him down with my courageous hand !
I'll cut him up ! I'll cut him down !
I'll cut him up as small and as numerous as flies
And send him to the cook-shop to meeak mince-pies !
Mince-pies hot ! Mince-pies cold !
Mince-pies in the pot nine days oId !

ROOMER: (in a very subdued and cautionary manner):
"Hush! Hush! King George! do-ant be so hot,
You do-ant know what kind of men outside I've got."
(Bull Slasher Enters)

BULL SLASHER:
"In comes this valiant soldier bold Bull Slasher is mi nee-am.
With a long su-urd buckled bi mi side, I'm bound to win the gee-am.
A challenge to battle, I ull call
To see which uv us an the ground shull fall,
Now guard yur head and mind mi blows,
Look artur yur feeace and mind yur noo-az (Nose)."

The fight now takes place, Mr. Collins taking the role of King George against his imaginary opponent, Bull Slasher. Holding a walking stick to represent a sword, and assuming a defiant attitude, he stood with his back against the tap-room door. Then, slightly crouching, and looking fixedly in front, he, little by little, moves onward along the floor.

When he reached the centre he sprang to the assault on his imaginary enemy. He lunged, he thrusted, he parried and struck the tap-room table some resounding thwacks. He then retreated as if he were hard pressed, and then recovering himself, advanced up the floor again, shouting and hurling defiance. Reaching the centre he gradually retreated again, parrying and thrusting until he ivas drmen back to his origmal position at the door. Suddenly dropping his guard he fell headlong up the centre of the floor, and lay stretched out his full length of six feet and over.

He now groans and his face assumes the features of a sorely stricken man. After struggling a a little, he becomes quiet and softly murmurs : " Oh dear! I be bad! I be wounded! " with other exclamations of a similar nature. Remaining thus prostrate for a little while, it gave him time to recover his breath and compose the agitation caused by his excessive exertion.
He now rises, and again facing the company exclaims:

ROOMER:
"What would I give for a jolly noble doctur! " Ten pounds ! Twenty pounds!"

VOICE OUTSIDE:
" Twenty pounds' my fee."

ROOMER:
"Come in doctur!"
" Doctur, doctur, come away; Doctur, doctur, don't delay
Doctur, doctur, do yur part,
King George is wounded close to the heart."
(Doctor enters.)

DOCTOR:
"In comes this hickety-pickety doctur,
Can't say doctur, but Hoctur
Bound to cure all dis-eeases. Jest what my physic pleeases.
Molly-grubs, scolly-grubs, rantanses, smallpox and the gout,
Pains within and pains without."
(He now impersonates the doctor.)

Kneeling down on the floor by his imaginary patient, he looks into his face, sounds him in various parts of the body, and takes on a very serious countenance. "Ah!" he says, "you be bad ! What can I do fur ye! Wha's the matter wi ye ? I ull cu-ur ye, that e ull. I a cu-urd a good many worse than you in mi time. Now then, opun yur mouth and shet yur eyes and see what Uncle Tom sends ye ! Hee-urs a pill ! Teeak that and gollop it down ! Tha'ull tickle ye up if nothing else ull ! Tha's the stuff ! Can't ye feel it a-dooin ye good ? E can see ye a-gittin better ! Ah, he's neeurly well."
(Stands and shouts)
" Rise King George and fight again ! " (The combat is resumed. )

The old Mummer goes through the same actions as before, advancing and retreating, thrzzsting and smiting, and inadvertently making the tap- room tables resound with some mighty smacks. But the exertion is too great' for the combat to be continued, and just in the middle of a furious bout He again falls and lies apparently motionless except for his rapid breathing. In a moment or two he groans and then when his breath is more quiet, lies his full length along the floor as rigid as death. After a while he rises and stands facing the door.
Shouts : " Come in Jack Finney." (Jack Finney enters)

JACK FINNEY:
" Ugh, my neeam's Mr. Finney. The leeast you could a done would a bin to call me John.

ROOMER:
" Then what can you do ? "

JACK FINNEY:
" More than you or any other man I a sin yit awhile. Cure this man if he ant bin dead above a fortnight. Had a very serious ceeas come to me a few days agoo."

ROOMER:
" What Was that ? "

JACK FINNEY:
" Had a sparrow come to me wi the toothache."

ROOMER.
" And how did you cu-ur it ? "

JACK FINNEY.
" Pulled his head awf and smartly throwed his body in a ditch."
(Mr. Collins again kneels and impersonates Jack Finney treating King George)

He examines the imaginary body, turns it, looks into the face, feels the pulse and then pretends to give medicine. During these actions he makes various remarks and after a while exclaims :
" He's a-gittin better. He's gittin ovur it. I can see him move. Mi medicine a done it. He ull soon be alright. Hullo ! he's neeurly well."

The old Mummer then stands, and in a commanding voice shouts :
"Rise King George, and fight no more ! "

He then proceeds normally to the end of the play.

ROOMER :
" Come in Beelzebub.''

BEELZEBUB :
" In comes old Beelzebub, In my hand I carry a club,
And bi mi side a drippin pan,
Don't ye think I'm a nice ole man ! "

ROOMER :
" Come in Miss Fly."

MISS FLY :
" In comes I, As light as a fly.
Got no money, And what cares I."

ROOMER :
" Come in Father Christmas."

FATHER CHRISTMAS :
" In comes ole Father Christmas,
Ant got long to stay.
But e hopes as you'll remember me
Afu-ur e goos away."

ROOMER:
"Come in Big Head". -

BIG HEAD :
" In comes ole Big Head
With my big head and little wit ;
Mi head's so big
And mi wit's so small
So e a brought mi fiddle,
To pleease ye all."

Taking up the walking stick and bending his elbaw; the old Mummer sawed on his upper arm in imitation of a fiddler. At the same time he, in an agile manner, danced round the tap-room accompanying himself by humming the melody of the hornpipe that was accustomed to be played. He went up and down, and round and round in a surprising manner for one of his age.

This, however, he could not keep up for long, as he again began to show distinct effects of his unusual activity. His breath became short and he was at last obliged to recline, exhausted and breathless on one of the tap-room tables.

"Ah!" he exclaimed, after a rest. " This ood niwer a happund fifty yeeur agoo, but e be now a good deal over seventy and so e can't expect to do as e used to. E could then a gone through wi it and nivver felt a bit out a breath ; but tis jest a bit too much fur me now to do all' the parts bi miself." After the lapse of a minute or, two he regained his composure and then returned to his seat.

The company was as stolid as ever all through the acting; the only demonstration being at the end, when one said, " Well done, Abel ! " but throughout, their appreciation of their fellow villager was visibly shown by their rapt attention and the occasional smiles which occasionally passed over their countenances. And no wonder, for the histrionic ability displayed by the old Mummer was a revelation, coming as it did from one who had lived all his life on Wheeler End Common.